Post by kathryn on Sept 24, 2022 11:50:58 GMT -5
Most of the time I highly dislike, and sometimes even have feelings of hatred toward my husband. We are polar opposites. I'm extroverted, he's introverted. I'm sensitive, he's an individual thinker. I'm more specific/"picky" if you will, he's more lax. See where I'm going with this? So when I feel so negatively towards him, is that because of the circumstances and because he doesn't care about the same things that are important to me (/natural consequence of the situation), or is it because I'm so picky/high-strung/difficult to please that I'm setting myself up to feel negatively? This is possibly the biggest question for me as I consider a divorce.
Here's just a little more background info/context. We have been married for 7 years. We have a 5yo, 4yo, 3yo, 2yo, and one on the way. Employment has been inconsistent and regularly changing for the entirety of our marriage. We just started job #6. He has done everything from construction, to teaching, to manufacturing, to retail, and now running medical simulation trainings. He just turned 30 and has an undergrad in philosophy. (I can't say much better though as my undergrad is in Liberal Arts haha).
Needless to say, it's been a ride!
So...are these negative feelings valid? Do I just need to "get over" myself and choose happiness with my lot? I really do have a lot of preferences, especially when it comes to our kids. But a lot of the time I feel like it's valid, like "please don't be on your phone constantly while watching all 4 of our very young children alone at the park." Like DUH! right?! Or "You need to stop tickling that child if they're crying about it. And you should probably stop laughing too". But sometimes it's smaller things, like what time the kids go to bed (6pm vs 9pm), or which shoes they wear, (hiking vs church).
I'm so done with him and his lack of thinking things through and the unwillingness to admit when there's a better way. He's always so focused on getting to Z that he doesn't even consider W, X & Y. And the kids pay for that! Half of them are getting old enough now that they can try & take care of those individual needs he's not addressing, but the other half are still too young for most of that.
I cannot parent these kids by myself. I need his help. But I also am so done with trying to parent with him that I just want to isolate myself, but then I don't see my kids as much when he's home and I also feel like they suffer for my not being there because he doesn't think things through. When I get back (if I get out) they're always crying, dirty, and the house is a complete wreck. And usually at least 1 person nearly died or got lost. I know the parent that works isn't used to doing everything that the parent who stays home does, but come on. EVERY time?
So am I crazy? Do I just need to get over myself? Are these intense, negative, feelings valid?
Here's just a little more background info/context. We have been married for 7 years. We have a 5yo, 4yo, 3yo, 2yo, and one on the way. Employment has been inconsistent and regularly changing for the entirety of our marriage. We just started job #6. He has done everything from construction, to teaching, to manufacturing, to retail, and now running medical simulation trainings. He just turned 30 and has an undergrad in philosophy. (I can't say much better though as my undergrad is in Liberal Arts haha).
Needless to say, it's been a ride!
So...are these negative feelings valid? Do I just need to "get over" myself and choose happiness with my lot? I really do have a lot of preferences, especially when it comes to our kids. But a lot of the time I feel like it's valid, like "please don't be on your phone constantly while watching all 4 of our very young children alone at the park." Like DUH! right?! Or "You need to stop tickling that child if they're crying about it. And you should probably stop laughing too". But sometimes it's smaller things, like what time the kids go to bed (6pm vs 9pm), or which shoes they wear, (hiking vs church).
I'm so done with him and his lack of thinking things through and the unwillingness to admit when there's a better way. He's always so focused on getting to Z that he doesn't even consider W, X & Y. And the kids pay for that! Half of them are getting old enough now that they can try & take care of those individual needs he's not addressing, but the other half are still too young for most of that.
I cannot parent these kids by myself. I need his help. But I also am so done with trying to parent with him that I just want to isolate myself, but then I don't see my kids as much when he's home and I also feel like they suffer for my not being there because he doesn't think things through. When I get back (if I get out) they're always crying, dirty, and the house is a complete wreck. And usually at least 1 person nearly died or got lost. I know the parent that works isn't used to doing everything that the parent who stays home does, but come on. EVERY time?
So am I crazy? Do I just need to get over myself? Are these intense, negative, feelings valid?
