Mocked again and again, can't overcome

First, being top in kindergarten really doesn't mean a lot. Being confident and outgoing is much more likely to matter than intelligence or the academic skills you'll need in later life.

Second, 'memorizing' is not really a useful way to look at at it. Most of what you do and need to do isn't about just memory; it's much more complicated. Once you've passed the ;'tables' bit of maths, for example, memory is a small part of what you do.

Third, 99.9% of people get teased at some time in their life, some much, much more than that; some are bullied continuously throughout their childhood (I bet you've seen one or two like that). Many of them go on to great things.

Obsessing about one tiny incident years ago literally doesn't make sense.

I hate to say it, but maybe you just aren't the world's greatest thinker (me neither!). Kindergarten gave you a false idea that you were the cleverest person in the world, and real life proved it wrong.

There may also be some family issues of jealousy that maybe you need to sort out. Maybe you did get a bit big-headed; maybe your siblings were cruel (children are). But that was 30 years ago. You need to be rational about this.

If you are concerned about how intelligent you are, use your computer and internet skills to find teaching and testing online: it's all private, no-one but you needs to know about it.

But ultimately, it's the exams you did in senior school and college that matter, not winning stars in kindergarten. And I think you know that, really. You are blaming your siblings unfairly. And I suspect you know that too.

We all get just one brain. What we choose to do with it is pretty much our own choice. It's there to be used.

There's some contradictions here: you talk of people being jealous, and you being better than them, but you also talk of people hating you, and you losing and having to please people. I don't think it's helpful think of being better than others, or of people being better than you; it doesn't work that way. We're all human beings, and we're all unique. No-one is better than me, and I'm better than no-one.

A good place to start in sorting out your life, is knowing who your friends are (and aren't)
Look for trust, respect, loyalty and affection. No-friendship can exist without them. So it may be that people you thought of as 'friends', really are not. Maybe you have been expecting too much from them? This doesn't mean they're your enemies, by the way, it just means that they are 'people you know', rather than friends.

The most central quality is respect. If someone does not respect you, then they are not a a friend. If you don't respect someone, they are not a friend. Obviously, even the best of friends slip up once in a while, you need to look at the whole relationship, not just one or two incidents.

And, of course, it's impossible to be friends with someone you consider better / worse than you: if you think they're worse, then you do not respect them. It's impossible. If they think they're better than you, then they do not respect you.

We all choose our friends. And once we've chosen, we're loyal.