Post by ruby on Dec 30, 2017 4:46:03 GMT -5
I'm a woman in my 30s. I recently quit my job to stay home with my two kids. I've been horrible. I am so lazy reading all day and doing just the basic necessities of my day. I leave a lot to my family and a lot just goes undone. I want to try, and make a good environment for my kids, but I'm just not doing well at it. I miss my job, I wonder if the kids would be happier back in daycare. My son says he loves staying with me, but I think some of that is just because I'm his mom. I worry that I'm not engaging enough to help them learn.
To top off this feeling I recently went back through some communications I found from a relatively one sided friendship from years ago. I was so stupid. I wouldn't be friends with the person I was back then, but somehow I always feel like I deserve more from my friendships, and I am hating that now recognized entitlement. I wonder if anyone besides my family actually likes me. I am so annoying and stupid always trying to be funny or random. Why can't I be genuine? I went to therapy once at my mother's insistence, but I just lied the whole time.
I'm sorry this seems all over the place. I'm willing to clarify. I'm not really sure what I want to hear, what kind of response I'm expecting. I'm just a little overwhelmed by this self pity. I've struggled with depression in the past, I wanted to die. This is different. Before I just felt like the world and I just didn't match up. Now I kind of feel like I'm the embodiment of everything I most hate. I'm a hypocrite and want to become better, but I'm not sure how, or if I even can. I've become the person I never thought I would. How do I take those first steps? How do I keep going in the right direction?
To top off this feeling I recently went back through some communications I found from a relatively one sided friendship from years ago. I was so stupid. I wouldn't be friends with the person I was back then, but somehow I always feel like I deserve more from my friendships, and I am hating that now recognized entitlement. I wonder if anyone besides my family actually likes me. I am so annoying and stupid always trying to be funny or random. Why can't I be genuine? I went to therapy once at my mother's insistence, but I just lied the whole time.
I'm sorry this seems all over the place. I'm willing to clarify. I'm not really sure what I want to hear, what kind of response I'm expecting. I'm just a little overwhelmed by this self pity. I've struggled with depression in the past, I wanted to die. This is different. Before I just felt like the world and I just didn't match up. Now I kind of feel like I'm the embodiment of everything I most hate. I'm a hypocrite and want to become better, but I'm not sure how, or if I even can. I've become the person I never thought I would. How do I take those first steps? How do I keep going in the right direction?
