Post by barefootjedi on Dec 19, 2017 13:42:03 GMT -5
Hey there, guys!
I guess I'd like to take the opportunity to vent anonymously, so thanks to those reading! I'll jump right in below...
So, around the age of 6 my parents started going through a violent divorce, my sister and I ending up in our mother's custody. The problem was that my father didn't pay the alimony and my mother wasn't very thrifty. Later my mother and I moved to another town where the situation didn't improve and she became abusive. I was sent back to my father for high school where I'd stay until I started at university 4 years ago. In a nut shell: he's a terrible father. He's manipulative over everyone, including his children. I'd get ignored for a couple of weeks for annoying him and he was emotionally absent. When I hit puberty he decided to give me "the talk" during which he molested me.
Now, to interject, I don't mean to sound self-pitying or ungrateful; I know how privileged I actually am.
When I came to university I met the owner of a cafe and his wife when I was looking for a place to have coffee in my first week there. We became friends and the man sat with me two or three times after work to talk about anything I'd like to get off my chest. I really appreciated that but I became anxious and obsessive. I like to think of it as doing crack for the first time (not that I'd know!) and then needing more. I drove our friendship up the walls, but he wasn't every honest with me himself in that he'd make promises to go hiking, etc. but never followed through. I'm not angry at him for not doing those things with me, but I am at the fact that he led me on. Either way, our friendship failed about two years ago.
Now about two months ago I was looking for a doctor to check on my knees. I found a website that had listings with reviews and I found one that had very positive reviews, all saying how caring he is. I decided to make an appointment, and during the consultation I asked if we could simply talk. We did and he invited me to see him again a week later after hours. I did and we sat for two hours, just chatting about personal issues or shared interests. I emailed him to ask about the consultation fee and he replied saying that a new or second-hand book would be perfect. Not to be mushy, but this was the first time I had cried in a year. We had another few meetings and at one point he invited me to a drum-circle he participates in after work every now and then. Then later he invited me to go hiking/caving with him and his two kids. It was the most amazing day I have had in ages! We had an awesome time in the caves, and I also met his wife and had lunch with them afterwards. Then we just sat and talked after which he gave me a lift home. I live about 40 minutes away so we had all that time to talk as well. When we got there he just carried on the conversation for another 15 minutes - no rush, no impatience. All of this was done without any promises made. Him and his wife both know that I have become very attached to them. They are the best parents I have ever seen!
The last week (after our day) has been an emotional roller-coaster. I have emotions from 2 years ago popping up: fear, jealousy, anxiety, etc., and I can't get this off my mind. I know that I'm making myself miserable by dwelling on it 24/7, but that's why I'm here, to get it out. I sit around all day obsessing over how I wish I could have been raised by them and all of that kinda stuff. And time is going by, and I'm 22; this shouldn't be what's on my mind.
To close I'd like to ask advice on something kind of weird: the last 16 years were disrupted and I missed out on good experiences with my parents. I've been growing a beard for most of the time since I was able and I never really shaved, but when I did my face would end up covered in toilet paper. I bet I can easily get it by myself if I chose, but recently I started wondering if I could as him to teach me, even just for that experience. Would that be weird?
Anyhow, if you've made it this far, thanks!
I guess I'd like to take the opportunity to vent anonymously, so thanks to those reading! I'll jump right in below...
So, around the age of 6 my parents started going through a violent divorce, my sister and I ending up in our mother's custody. The problem was that my father didn't pay the alimony and my mother wasn't very thrifty. Later my mother and I moved to another town where the situation didn't improve and she became abusive. I was sent back to my father for high school where I'd stay until I started at university 4 years ago. In a nut shell: he's a terrible father. He's manipulative over everyone, including his children. I'd get ignored for a couple of weeks for annoying him and he was emotionally absent. When I hit puberty he decided to give me "the talk" during which he molested me.
Now, to interject, I don't mean to sound self-pitying or ungrateful; I know how privileged I actually am.
When I came to university I met the owner of a cafe and his wife when I was looking for a place to have coffee in my first week there. We became friends and the man sat with me two or three times after work to talk about anything I'd like to get off my chest. I really appreciated that but I became anxious and obsessive. I like to think of it as doing crack for the first time (not that I'd know!) and then needing more. I drove our friendship up the walls, but he wasn't every honest with me himself in that he'd make promises to go hiking, etc. but never followed through. I'm not angry at him for not doing those things with me, but I am at the fact that he led me on. Either way, our friendship failed about two years ago.
Now about two months ago I was looking for a doctor to check on my knees. I found a website that had listings with reviews and I found one that had very positive reviews, all saying how caring he is. I decided to make an appointment, and during the consultation I asked if we could simply talk. We did and he invited me to see him again a week later after hours. I did and we sat for two hours, just chatting about personal issues or shared interests. I emailed him to ask about the consultation fee and he replied saying that a new or second-hand book would be perfect. Not to be mushy, but this was the first time I had cried in a year. We had another few meetings and at one point he invited me to a drum-circle he participates in after work every now and then. Then later he invited me to go hiking/caving with him and his two kids. It was the most amazing day I have had in ages! We had an awesome time in the caves, and I also met his wife and had lunch with them afterwards. Then we just sat and talked after which he gave me a lift home. I live about 40 minutes away so we had all that time to talk as well. When we got there he just carried on the conversation for another 15 minutes - no rush, no impatience. All of this was done without any promises made. Him and his wife both know that I have become very attached to them. They are the best parents I have ever seen!
The last week (after our day) has been an emotional roller-coaster. I have emotions from 2 years ago popping up: fear, jealousy, anxiety, etc., and I can't get this off my mind. I know that I'm making myself miserable by dwelling on it 24/7, but that's why I'm here, to get it out. I sit around all day obsessing over how I wish I could have been raised by them and all of that kinda stuff. And time is going by, and I'm 22; this shouldn't be what's on my mind.
To close I'd like to ask advice on something kind of weird: the last 16 years were disrupted and I missed out on good experiences with my parents. I've been growing a beard for most of the time since I was able and I never really shaved, but when I did my face would end up covered in toilet paper. I bet I can easily get it by myself if I chose, but recently I started wondering if I could as him to teach me, even just for that experience. Would that be weird?
Anyhow, if you've made it this far, thanks!
