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Post by helpmepleasee on Dec 10, 2017 20:31:41 GMT -5
So I'm 17 years old and for the last two months I've been in a chat room in which I met a guy who is 21. Some background: In a previous chat room I had said for the sake of anonymity that I was 19, and two people from that previous chat joined this current chat room. So in one casual conversation with the guy that this question involves, we told each other our birth dates and I didn't say which year at first but he asked so I told him 1998 instead of 2000 because I wanted to stay consistent with what the other two random chat room people had heard. At the time there weren't any real feelings involved so I figured it wouldn't matter that much and that we probably wouldn't talk much more after that one convo. But... as you probably have guessed, that's not how things went. Over time we talked more and more and began flirting a little, and then a lot. Now we do things like watch movies and play games together over the internet and there are definitely feelings involved at this point even though we're not dating, but now I'm really stressed about this because he thinks I'm older than I am because of my stupid decision to lie. I'm worried that if I tell him he'll stop talking to me but I know that staying dishonest and letting him find out by accident would damage any "relationship" we that could maybe come about someday. I also know that there are legal issues regarding being below the age of consent with a 21 year old adult. The place he lives has the age of consent set at 17 but where I am it's 18 so I'm not sure how that would affect things. We've yet to meet in person and it probably wouldn't happen for quite a long time but I want to fix this before it becomes a bigger problem. I'm wondering if I should wait till I'm 18 in like 6 months to tell him my real age or tell him earlier?? And how should I tell him? Do you think a 21 year old would run from a 3-4 year age difference considering my age? How bad did I mess up?
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Post by Ask Anon on Dec 11, 2017 3:28:30 GMT -5
The sooner you correct your lie, the less damage will be done.
Remember that as you lied so easily, it quite likely that he did too.
It seems to be routine these days. Your challenge is to work out what are the lies in the things he's told you....
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Post by helpmepleasee on Dec 11, 2017 10:20:18 GMT -5
Ok, I'll tell him the truth sooner rather than later, but how should I approach the topic to make it the least damaging and the least uncomfortable? Could you give your opinion on how he's likely to take it given the facts? Should I tell him the reason I lied (like I did in my original post) or would that come off as my making excuses? And to address the last thing you said, 95% of the more significant things he's told me are backed up by evidence. Unless he's lied about his birthday too, I'd be very surprised if he was being dishonest. I don't personally get upset about lies told to me when I'm essentially a stranger as long as I get the truth when it matters. It would serve me right since I did that myself so yeah... =\
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Post by Ask Anon on Dec 11, 2017 11:10:24 GMT -5
If it were me, I'd just come out and say it.
The more you dress it up, or pad it with silly-sounding excuses, the more uncomfortable it will be for both of you. If he asks questions, answer them honestly, too.
"There's something I need to tell you. I'm actually only 17. Sorry I lied to you."
"Why? I guess I just wanted to seem older on the other chat room. Once I started, there was no turning back. Now I feel about 5 years old."
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Post by Ask Anon on Dec 11, 2017 11:17:58 GMT -5
He may be surprised, even annoyed. If so, that's your cue to say sorry again, but nothing else.
I think it's unlikely he'll be too upset, as I say, it's not at all uncommon. But he just might need time to think about what it might mean. Give him space. Chances are he'll be ok.
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Post by helpmepleasee on Dec 11, 2017 11:37:41 GMT -5
Alright. Thank you so much for your advice, I really appreciate it.
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Post by helpmepleasee on Dec 13, 2017 3:27:01 GMT -5
I thought I'd give an update just because. So I told him. My legs were literally paralyzed with adrenaline haha but basically in summary I told him there was something I needed to tell him before more time passed and he said "okie dokie, let's hear it." I said it and his reply was "lol and?" I started laughing in relief right then. I was so stressed about this whole thing for so long and it was so so nice to get it off my chest. He did say jokingly that I'm too young for him romantically which obviously didn't feel that good but he didn't act upset at all. And he followed his saying that with a short anecdote about his grandparents and their true love despite an age difference so I don't know 100% how he feels about me now but we're definitely still talking so I'll take it. I guess I will see how things go but it seems like at the very least I have a good friend who I enjoy talking to and who enjoys talking to me, and I am happy with that. Thank you again for your advice; it took all of my courage to come clean and what you said helped push me to actually do it!
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