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Post by evelinaauditore on Apr 23, 2017 5:20:08 GMT -5
I started highschool this year and I feel a bit left out. I'm not too shy or antisocial, but I need time to let people close to me. At the beginning of the school year almost nobody knew the others, but some of them (mostly the girls) started acting, like they know each other for years (commenting pictures with "my all <333" "love ya" , hugging each other every morning, talking about the guys they like and dumb shit like that from the first month). I'm not really into that, I think its incredibly basic and annoying , but I started hugging too, just to not stand out too much. I prefer guy friends a bit more, i have more in common with them. With the time passing in our class formed groups, i'm kinda in one of them, the guys in our class are 6 and they formed their own group and are not into letting a girl in it, and I compeletly understand that. I'm not saying that the others are rude to me or something, but I really don't feel in place. I don't feel like being close enoug and sharing stuff with anybody, but my best friends.
I kinda have a problem with them too. I feel like they are low key avoiding me. Maybe I'm just paranoid, a bit jealous of them having fun without me or something. I try to think rationally, like, we all have tons of homework, going out with our families and other stuff and it's understandable, but thinking about it once again, it's not that hard to take some time to check on the others, even just texting. I'm trying to do so, but after one fight I had with a mutual friend of ours, I think they are on my side just in front of me, (being all like "we will beat him when we meet him"," i cant believe how dumb he is") and then going out with the other one behind my back. I have no problem with them being friends with him, but spending more time with him than with me, because they are too shy to say no, and every time I ask them to go out to be let down. Whenever we meet we have fun, and tell say how much we miss being together, but I'm still a bit in doubt. I'm pretty afraid of loosing them, because I hardly find someone whom I trust and enjoy being with, but I think if I don't do something it will happend.
And another thing, there's this girl, who is very antisocial. I felt really bad for her standing alone, because 5 years ago I was at the same position. Our teacher put us together and I started talking to her. She isn't that bad, she is very intelligent and stuff, but there are few things I don't like about her. One of them is, that she thinks of herself as weird, sociopathic, even insane, differend from the others, often saying things such as "how did i even got here around that kind of people" and other stuff. But she isn't, she is just acting like a special snowflake. I have nothing against her, don't get me wrong, she is ok, we even have some common interests. The problem is, that she is kinda "glued" to me. She was sending me to the bus everyday, while everybody else have lunch (we have extra classes after lunch, witch i don't take anymore), and then went back and ate by herself, talked to nobody when I was away. After a while I hinted that she's invading my personal space, she stopped coming with me for a while, but now It's starting all over again. I tried to give her a hint once again, but she was subborn. Yesterday I felt sick and wanted to go home. She said that she'll send me home. I told her, that she doesn't have to, plus she'll miss the next class. She said it's ok, because is gym class and she won't miss anything important. Then followed a minute of complete silence and she said, that the only goal in her life is to find friends and to sacrifice herself for them. That's very sad and made me feel bad and selfish for wanting my personal space. But I still managed to say, that is very wront to think like that, and she doesn't have to limit herself to 2 people, and that the others are really nice once you get to know them. She understood what i mean, she's not stupid, and showed me that she isn't changing her mind, especially I can't do so. The next day, after i tried to conviece her to go to lunch with the other girls who invivited her, after they left casually added something as "Whenever I'm in group of 3 I prefer not to speak. When there is one person, I can speak with hours, but whenever a third person comes, I shut up. It can be great too, you learn peoples weaknesses*, hehe" (*I understood, that she was acting like a creep again, but decided to not give her the reaction she wanted). I don't wanna be selfish and rude and cut her out, because I know how it feels, but I feel like whenever I'm with her she sucks the energy and hapiness out of me.
What do I do to deal with all this? Really big thanks, if someone decides to read all this an tries to help me with my childish problems, it really means a lot 🙂
PS: I'm really sorry for my bad english, it's not my native language.
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Post by evelinaauditore on Apr 23, 2017 6:09:26 GMT -5
I forgot to mention that the guy is the ex-boyfriend of one of them, i don't know if it matters. Also I'm sorry for the long post  |
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Post by Ask Anon on Apr 23, 2017 8:09:32 GMT -5
I know your situation, and it's hard.
But it's better to be left out, than have 'false friends' who are two-faced.
You are right to be careful of the girl attaching herself to you; you need to handle her consistently and honestly; better to hurt her feelings a little from time to time than let her take over your life until a huge argument which would really hurt her.
Which brings us to the 'fight' - you don't say what it was about - and that's fine - but you need to learn from that experience and avoid such situations: people who don't know you well would become suspicious of you, and it'll be harder to make friends.
Remember that many of the girls will be feeling as unsure and insecure as you, and they'll be hiding it too.
Try to be open and fair with everybody, and sooner or later, you'll almost certainly find a good friend or two.
That isn't right. Friendship should be a relationship of equals, with no sacrifice required. And it's dangerous, because if you allow someone to make (unnecessary) sacrifices for you, there will come a time when they want payback. And the sacrifices they expect might not be easy, fair, or reasonable.
Make it clear that you are happy to be friends with her - and anyone else - but you don't want an exclusive relationship, and you don't want sacrifices made for you.
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Post by evelinaauditore on Apr 23, 2017 15:13:04 GMT -5
Thank You very very much for the fast reply  . The fight was pretty stupid actually. It was between me and one guy, lets call him Steve, who appears to be the ex boyfriend of one of my besties, ill call her Danie. He, few other guys and the 3 of us go out sometimes, because we live in the same neighborhood, but for them that means that every time we are out we must be with them. My friends are too shy to tell them to leave us, so usually I do that, but I'm not being rude and I try to explain that we need some time just for the 3 of us, and therefore I'm the b*tch for being honest. One day Steve and two other guys came to us. As he saw his ex he turned around and pretended to talk on the phone. We greeted the other two, talked to them for a while, and then one of them asked "Do you girls want us to leave you alone and talk?". I replied with " Yeah, we haven't seen each other in a long time, it will be great" "Ok, bye" "See ya". Steve wasn't very happy, witch is stupid, because he doesn't even talk to us, but anyways. He went to the other side of the street and told my baby cousin to go to me tell me that I'm very stupid. As I headed to him, ready to ask him what the problem is he ran away, so I texted him. I asked him that and also why he sends my 9 year old cousin to say that and didn't do it himself. Steve said that he misunderstood him, and he didn't mean that and he apologized, but I don't believe so. That wasn't the first time he was talking behind my back, plus I know how he talked behind my Danie's back, when they were toghether, so i said that i don't accept his apologies, I know about everything he said, I also know that he won't change and it will be better to not talk anymore if my existence bothers him so much. He just said ok and our conversation was over, for a while. On the next day he texted me again, saying that i'm really dumb to believe he talks sh*t behind people's back and that I'm not right, also started swearing a lot. I started arguing with him, but after a while I saw it was pointless and really didn't feel like talking to him anymore, so I started replying with "k". That furstrathed him a lot, he kept just trowing insults and eventually gave up. My friends were reading the chat with me and supporting me, but the Danie was very surprised. She knew that he's an idiot, but she didn't know how far he can take it. He was my childhood friend, so I knew. Because Steve is kinda like the leader of the other boys no they don't speak to me either, but they still go out with my friends. I have nothing against that honestly, as long as they don't pick the boys over me, witch by they words is not possible, but my mother told me that they meet pretty often with Danie and that I trust my friend too much. At first I refused to believe her, but she put some pretty strong arguments - my friend is an only child, she goes to school at difrend shift (i don't know if that's how it's called), her parents work and she basiclly is alone the whole day and being with them is better than being alone. I'm planing to sit back and talk to them, mostly her about that, (they are my best friends after all, we talk about everything that bothers us and solve it together) but I'm kinda worried that she will feel as if I'm attacking her. |
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Post by Ask Anon on Apr 24, 2017 4:39:54 GMT -5
the trick (and it's not easy!) is not to rise to the bait.
It's a fact of life that boys your age are far less mature than girls. So it's pretty pointless to validate their silly games.
Dream on!
You mention boyfriends, though not yours. From now on, that's going to be an increasing issue with your friends, if not for you. Loyalties will be pushed to the limit, and beyond.
Another good reason to bite your tongue, as anything you say can - and definitely will - be used against you. Don't get involved in other people's battles, or pointless arguments, you'll only isolate yourself.
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Post by evelinaauditore on Apr 25, 2017 4:25:51 GMT -5
Thank You once again for the advice It means a lot |
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