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Post by fishasan on Dec 4, 2016 3:09:27 GMT -5
Looking for advice from a person not directly involved in my life. My boyfriend and I have been together 1 year and 4 months. He's an amazing person. 3 months into our relationship he told me he had a friend visiting and they used to date. He didn't know what to do about this since she had bought the tickets before he and I started dating. To preface, he's 27 and I'm 23. My bf and the girl grew up as family friends and dated briefly his senior year of high school. He's an open book and was honest about any question I had. She visited and we all hang out. Overall It was fine, but I hated every second of it. I couldn't help but think why was she there. My immature jealous self couldn't handle it. He tells me they're friends and that's that. Fast forward a year later and I discover that they talk on the phone a few times a year. i was hurt that my boyfriend kept me in the dark and doesn't let me know if they talk or have plans to see each other. Moving forward I said that if they're talking I want to know and to let me know about her life so I can be kept in the loop. The problem is I hold grudges and I'm still just so angry about this situation. Am I over reacting?
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Post by Ask Anon on Dec 4, 2016 5:11:04 GMT -5
You are probably overreacting - but possibly not.
You do have trust / jealousy issues - but that doesn't necessarily mean you don't have reason. And if you hold grudges, you'll lose the guy. Really.
Some people genuinely do stay friends after a breakup; some cheat with their Exs.
What matters is the facts. Is he cheating on you or not? Why/how did they split up?
If he isn't cheating, then it's your problem, and you need to deal with it or have problems with every relationship.
If he is, then you'll have to dump him - guys who cheat with their ex will ALWAYS cheat with their ex (if she lets them).
You can't 100% blame him for not telling you that they talk - you've admitted it would have caused you pain, and there would probably have been a row, and most men are cowards. But if he's prepared to talk to her AND keep you, he needs to accept that risk.
You need to think carefully. It would be sad to lose him over cheating; but how much sadder to lose him to your jealousy issues.
Additionally, you need to look at the whole relationship: what isn't right about it? Why is he unable to totally commit to you? Maybe these insecurities are your inner self saying "this isn't working", and you're looking for an excuse to get out? I don't know. Do you?
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Post by Gina99 on Dec 4, 2016 18:43:19 GMT -5
'My immature jealous self couldn't handle it'
Is this you with every relationship or are you exaggerating?
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