|
|
Post by user1997 on Nov 6, 2016 6:30:00 GMT -5
There is a girl on my university course that I like. We've spoken a few times and met up at the university last week to go to a talk together which went well; the conversation was flowing between us and I even made her laugh a few times but that's about it in terms of interaction. Spoke to my cousin and told her how the talk went and she says that this girl likes me, but it's unclear whether she likes me in a romantic way or not which seems fair seeing as we don't see each other/talk that much. However, I would really like to get to know her better and see how things go. This Friday there is a ball for all us medical students and we are both going and sitting at separate tables with our own friends. My question is, how can I use this ball to my advantage to help us get more acquainted as well as in general terms as I'm quite new to the dating scene...
|
|
|
|
Post by Ask Anon on Nov 6, 2016 15:33:37 GMT -5
You've already been to one thing together, so you don't need the ball - the can ask her to something else without a worry.
The ball is possibly more about not messing up what you already have.
Don't push to hard: you risk embarrassing her (and yourself) in front of her friends.
But don't be stand-offish; be sure to say hello and - if the opportunity presents - have a conversation with her. If you dance well, I'm guessing that'll be a bonus.
The key is reading the situation. You don't know the dynamics of her relationship with her friends; she may compartmentalise her life a little, and you don't want to irritate. Think about how you discussed the ball with her; does that give you any clues?
On the other hand, she may welcome an intervention and be really pleased to see you.
But less is more: provided you be sure to be courteous and friendly, you still have the option of talking to her another time while saying "I didn't like to impose" / "I could see you were enjoying yourself" / whatever**
**delete as applicable
|
|
|
|
Post by user1997 on Nov 9, 2016 17:58:20 GMT -5
Thank you for the advice. I really appreciate it. We've been messaging each other a lot over the last couple of days and it sounds like a little bit of flirting is going on as well... From the way she speaks and replies I think it may be safe to assume that she me be interested in being more than friends... However, I wouldn't want to say for sure. I was going to wait until the ball when I see her in person to ask her out on a date as opposed to over online messaging. Is this a wise move? It's not too soon or too late, is it?
|
|
|
|
Post by Ask Anon on Nov 9, 2016 18:45:17 GMT -5
Friday?
Should be fine, and asking in person is better - you can see her reactions, and act accordingly.
Good Luck!
|
|
|
|
Post by user1997 on Nov 12, 2016 10:38:29 GMT -5
So I saw her at the ball and she was really pleased to see me. We hung out for a while and were dancing as a big group on the dancefloor at one point as well. We had a good time. Before she left I got her by herself and asked "I was wondering if you wanted to meet up on Sunday?" She went on to explain how she'd love to but she is really busy at the moment with all the workload of university (as am I). She also said that from now until Dec 5th (start of exams) she would basically have no social life and then go back home for the Christmas holidays. I didn't take it as a personal thing because we both get on really well and are both very busy people being medical students; so I knew exactly where she was coming from. For that reason, I just accepted it and didn't try to think of another way to for her to say yes. That would have been wrong as I would never want to jeopardise her studies and put her in an uncomfortable position. I believe she meant it when she said she would love to (partly even by the way she said it) but I think she just wants to focus on her studies right now and not have anything going on in the background. Am I right in saying so? I don't see things becoming awkward between us either and at the same time I'm glad I asked as how else am I supposed to know how she feels? I'm not too sure my invitation sounded like I was asking her on a date (I had mini-golf in mind). Whatever way I asked, though, I would've gotten the same response.
|
|
|
|
Post by Ask Anon on Nov 12, 2016 17:23:10 GMT -5
I suspect you'd have sensed if she was uncomfortable, so it all sounds good.
Shame you'll have to wait awhile for the next step. But keep the steps small.
|
|
|
|
Post by user1997 on Nov 16, 2016 10:58:28 GMT -5
What would be the next steps in your opinion? I can't, obviously, just keep asking her out... Do you think if I were to build a real friendship with her, she'd be reluctant to go out with me in the future due to the whole friend zone thing (which sounds silly to say, I know)? But at the same time, I don't want to completely lose touch with her... Just a bit confused at to what I should do next...
|
|
|
|
Post by Ask Anon on Nov 16, 2016 13:15:09 GMT -5
I am pretty much unconvinced by the friendzone thing.
Yes, it exists - but in my experience, where it happens, it was always going to happen, it doesn't just pop up out of nowhere.
Having said that, while i always advocate making friends with people, especially where's there's a certain lack of confidence, I'd also advocate being sure that some of that friendship is just the two of you - even if it's just for a cup of coffee - to make those meetings special. If you are genuinely interested in her and her interests, then things will move forward ... if you aren't, then let's face it, it wasn't going to happen anyway.
Then it's a question of playing things by ear, as it were. Escalate to a 'proper date' when you feel encouraged and ready. If you had a good time, say so. If you're looking forward to seeing her again, say so. Women aren't a different species: these days, they know what they want, and - either obviously or more subtly, they'll let you know, usually before you ask.
In my experience, if you both have a good time, and you're comfortable with each other, then you're moving forward, whether it's over coffee, in a bar, at the theatre, at the zoo ... wherever, whenever.
And if you're thinking "she's sending mixed signals" - it's probably because you are.
I'm sure all that's pretty obvious - but relationships shouldn't be rocket science, or analyst sessions ... they should be fun. And if they're not, then you picked the wrong gal!
|
|
