Parents 😭😩

It's been happening for a while now n idk what to anymore. My dad, well I blame it on stress but he seems to be stressed so much lately and he comes home and take ain't all out on us n I'm not coping with it. He doesn't listen anymore and thinks he's right all the time. He goes wayyyyy over the top all the time at the smallest things and somehow it's always always my fault. He used to hit me - I've had marks - but he seems to have stopped now. He now constantly calls me names like snide n horrible and I go to bed crying so often I can't count them. I care about other animals and people so much now because I can't care about my failed family. It feel so like no one understands. I told some online friends and said I couldn't tell an adult like everyone always says to do. They suggested finding an online forum so I'm looking here for help. I've tried writing it down in books as poems n stuff but I'm terrified they'll find it. Idk what they'd do. J can't rly talk to my mum anymore I've been trying for a while. I think she's scared of my dad tbh. She always backs him up and now it's my fault too for winding him up. I feel like they want me to be someone else and it's joy love longwr safe to be me in my own home. It's horrible. I'm resorting to being silent and changing who I am. I try so hard not to let it affect me but I can tell help it's. I hate myself and for some reason I believe what he says cause he's saying it so fricking often now. Everyone always says in school to look for bullies n not be a bystander but the only bully I know I see my dad and I can't see a Way out of being with him for years. So much so I'm looking forward to going to uni. It seems horrible cause I hate him so much but some thing tell some me I love him deep down and I always end O forgiving him and I hate myself for it. What do y suggest? Just telling u had actually helped a bit i guess.