Post by yelilia on Nov 17, 2018 9:34:18 GMT -5
Hey everyone,
I reached the point where I don't know what to do anymore.
My story: I was 5 when my father died and since then my relationship with my mom is really bad. At the beginning I was too young to understand what is really going on, I only saw that my mother was basically never around. She was working until late at night and didn't want to spend time with me. When I reached the teenage years, I turned to be rebellious and tried to find a connection with anyone but her. I felt I can't trust her because when she was around she was frustrated and if I did something that she didn't like that usually ended up by her slapping me on the face or yelling at me. Therefore when I reached the age of 13 I did some stupid and bad stuff. I started to be interested in boys, but I met them through the internet because in reality, I was too insecure due to my weight. And this is where the real problems started. I was on the phone or the internet constantly, which back then was really expensive and no matter who said what I didn't care I just wanted to talk to people who love me. For the first time, my mom just said that I can't do this again, but I didn't listen. Next time she started to hit me which lead to the point where whenever I made a huge phone bill I ran away from home and slept on the street because I was scared that my mom will beat me up again. In the end, she was already using a bat to punish me or asked me to hit my head into the wall and if I did not enough hard then she did it. I was so scared from her, but for some reason, I felt if I won't talk to the people who I love then my life has no sense. As I grow older, I stopped to call people through phone but this was going on for almost 5 years. I hated my mom and until today I'm terrified from her. Doesn't matter what I do it's either not enough good or bad. I feel she is trying to control all of my life. She wants to know what I eat, what I cook, what I'm doing, where I work ( she even forced me to say the write her all of the company's information so she can check if it's legit or not). I know it might sound just someone who is really curious, but it freaks me out. I feel I'm not safe when she is around me. And now instead of hitting me, she starts to cry and being hysterical until she gets what she wants. I know I made a huge mistake with causing a huge money problem in the family and I lied often, I even took some of her money when she didn't look (not too much, but it doesn't matter, it still stealing), but I feel I apologized fair enough and I did everything that she asked me to do to make up for my teenage years. But I'm just dying inside when I hear her voice or see her. I tried to stop the relationship with her but whenever I come up with it she just calls me stupid and says that I'm a monster who will be the cause of my grandparents and her death.
My question is: Should I stop the relationship with her doesn't matter what she is saying or I deserve what I got?
I really would like to know your honest opinion, please don't try to sugar coat it.
P.S Any advice highly appreciated.
Thank you very much in advance! Have a nice day.
I reached the point where I don't know what to do anymore.
My story: I was 5 when my father died and since then my relationship with my mom is really bad. At the beginning I was too young to understand what is really going on, I only saw that my mother was basically never around. She was working until late at night and didn't want to spend time with me. When I reached the teenage years, I turned to be rebellious and tried to find a connection with anyone but her. I felt I can't trust her because when she was around she was frustrated and if I did something that she didn't like that usually ended up by her slapping me on the face or yelling at me. Therefore when I reached the age of 13 I did some stupid and bad stuff. I started to be interested in boys, but I met them through the internet because in reality, I was too insecure due to my weight. And this is where the real problems started. I was on the phone or the internet constantly, which back then was really expensive and no matter who said what I didn't care I just wanted to talk to people who love me. For the first time, my mom just said that I can't do this again, but I didn't listen. Next time she started to hit me which lead to the point where whenever I made a huge phone bill I ran away from home and slept on the street because I was scared that my mom will beat me up again. In the end, she was already using a bat to punish me or asked me to hit my head into the wall and if I did not enough hard then she did it. I was so scared from her, but for some reason, I felt if I won't talk to the people who I love then my life has no sense. As I grow older, I stopped to call people through phone but this was going on for almost 5 years. I hated my mom and until today I'm terrified from her. Doesn't matter what I do it's either not enough good or bad. I feel she is trying to control all of my life. She wants to know what I eat, what I cook, what I'm doing, where I work ( she even forced me to say the write her all of the company's information so she can check if it's legit or not). I know it might sound just someone who is really curious, but it freaks me out. I feel I'm not safe when she is around me. And now instead of hitting me, she starts to cry and being hysterical until she gets what she wants. I know I made a huge mistake with causing a huge money problem in the family and I lied often, I even took some of her money when she didn't look (not too much, but it doesn't matter, it still stealing), but I feel I apologized fair enough and I did everything that she asked me to do to make up for my teenage years. But I'm just dying inside when I hear her voice or see her. I tried to stop the relationship with her but whenever I come up with it she just calls me stupid and says that I'm a monster who will be the cause of my grandparents and her death.
My question is: Should I stop the relationship with her doesn't matter what she is saying or I deserve what I got?
I really would like to know your honest opinion, please don't try to sugar coat it.
P.S Any advice highly appreciated.
Thank you very much in advance! Have a nice day.