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Post by jillster on Nov 6, 2017 19:12:09 GMT -5
You shouldn't do anything. Whatever has Joe's goat, if he doesn't wish to share it with you, is his own business. Friendships change with time, so you may need to accept that things will never be as they once were.
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Post by Ask Anon on Nov 7, 2017 4:42:34 GMT -5
Genuine question: Do you have controlling issues?
I ask because at one time you feared Joe was getting to close, now you fear he's too far away ...
The reality is, you encouraged him to get a girlfriend; he did, it worked, and he has a life without you. He doesn't need to be "pressured to have a couple", then gets so drunk he's sick - and your reaction is to worry about how he feels about you.
Not everything is about you. He has his own life now. Wish him well and start considering why you are so obsessed with how he feels about you.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 7, 2017 9:10:18 GMT -5
Those are very good points. I actually do have controlling issues, I honestly thought I was doing well at not being controlling because I didn't pressure him into telling me why he can't look at me or why it's awkward for a year. I thought maybe I just really pissed him off and he doesn't want to talk about it which if that's what I have to do to keep him as our friend I will. I just struggle because I am a fixer, if I can help fix a problem, I want too but from the sound of it, there isn't anything I can do. That sucks lol
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Post by Ask Anon on Nov 8, 2017 8:19:57 GMT -5
I don't doubt your good intentions; the 'trick' is to recognise that while you probably can fix problems, you can't fix people. You have to pretty much take 'em as they come!
And as you know, he's more likely to relax and discuss the problem if you don't pressure him in any way at all. On the other hand, he may never want to discuss it, as Jillster suggests.
But while you'll never get the friendship as it was, you may get a new relationship with him and his girlfriend, if you try to stop looking back, and take them as they are now.
But I understand your frustration. It wasn't until my mid thirties, when a friend asked my advice, didn't take it, and walked into a total catastrophe, that it finally clicked with me that you can't make decisions for other people. You can offer help and advice, but as a friend, you have to let them decide what they're going to do. And that's how it should be. However you see a situation, they're seeing things you don't know about, and relating it all to their life experiences, which you may not be aware of. In other words, people have to make their own mistakes!
Good Luck!
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