Post by throwawayaccount on Sept 18, 2021 3:22:01 GMT -5
A few months ago I found out two friends of mine had been talking shit behind my back for a while as a way to destress, from what I understand all about things that I didn’t deserve to have criticized. I confronted them about it, and it went well.
I don’t really want to go into detail about what they’d talk about for my privacy and theirs, and just in case they see this for whatever reason.
They both apologized to me verbally and we talked things out and it felt great and very sincere, and since (and a little before then out of guilt I think) then one has been extra caring and the other, who’d been treating me the worst even outside of talking shit about me, has been making an effort to be kinder to me.
The one who had treated me the worst is someone who I consider my best friend, I’ve known them for many years, but both of them are extremely important to me and I literally do not know what I’d do if I lost them.
Lately for the past few weeks I keep getting sick with anxiety thinking they’re going to slip back into that old habit or that my best friend will be cold and mean to me again, and sometimes I feel rage and sorrow remembering that they used to do that but I have nobody to talk to about it. I want to bring it up with them sometimes and make them feel guilty so they’ll never do it again, but I know that’s wrong...but I’m also terrified they’ll change their minds about their apologies so I feel this need to make them feel bad about what they did.
Does that make me a bad person? For wanting them to continue to feel bad about it? I don’t know. I really don’t know.
I’m so sorry if this comes off as the ramblings of some kind of crazy person, I’ve been pretty torn up about this for weeks and now that I’m finally coming to others for help it’s...a lot.
If anyone who wants to help or give advice needs more context feel free to ask but again I will probably be vague about some things. Thank you so much.
I don’t really want to go into detail about what they’d talk about for my privacy and theirs, and just in case they see this for whatever reason.
They both apologized to me verbally and we talked things out and it felt great and very sincere, and since (and a little before then out of guilt I think) then one has been extra caring and the other, who’d been treating me the worst even outside of talking shit about me, has been making an effort to be kinder to me.
The one who had treated me the worst is someone who I consider my best friend, I’ve known them for many years, but both of them are extremely important to me and I literally do not know what I’d do if I lost them.
Lately for the past few weeks I keep getting sick with anxiety thinking they’re going to slip back into that old habit or that my best friend will be cold and mean to me again, and sometimes I feel rage and sorrow remembering that they used to do that but I have nobody to talk to about it. I want to bring it up with them sometimes and make them feel guilty so they’ll never do it again, but I know that’s wrong...but I’m also terrified they’ll change their minds about their apologies so I feel this need to make them feel bad about what they did.
Does that make me a bad person? For wanting them to continue to feel bad about it? I don’t know. I really don’t know.
I’m so sorry if this comes off as the ramblings of some kind of crazy person, I’ve been pretty torn up about this for weeks and now that I’m finally coming to others for help it’s...a lot.
If anyone who wants to help or give advice needs more context feel free to ask but again I will probably be vague about some things. Thank you so much.
