Post by fedupfriend on Mar 9, 2021 12:16:00 GMT -5
I want to begin this by stating I'm not some child-hating, heart three sizes too small grinch of a human. I used to work in an elementary school! I babysat! I nannied! I worked at summer camps! Kids are great! .... and I have actively chosen to not have children. That said, my husband and I have friends who live a stone's throw away and they have a 6-month-old baby.
It has been difficult navigating our friendship with them - because their life has changed dramatically with the baby, of course, and I/we recognize that... The mom is a stay-at-home mom while the dad works full-time. The husband (dad) has not been very helpful with the baby, working 9-5 but then devoting evenings to other hobbies (video games, working out, etc).
I'm not being dramatic when I say that you cannot walk through their home because laundry and dishes and diapers are strewn everywhere (or the 2-3 puddles of dog pee that accumulates every day because they aren't letting their dogs outside). This is not excessive, I'm not being not dramatic - and I'm not a clean freak - it's just concerning.
They keep claiming it's because they're too busy with the baby to clean. So on three separate occasions, my partner and I have blocked off an entire weekend day to help them clean their house (and it takes ALL day). And then they go back to not doing dishes, not cleaning up after themselves, etc. We kept justifying that it was because they have a new baby. Now it just seems like they're using us as a cleaning service because they make no effort to maintain.
But that baby is now six months old and I am beginning to resent these friends. We actively chose not to have a child and now we're being asked to babysit on a Saturday night, to come over and hold the infant so they can clean (because they aren't), to hang out once to twice a week with the undertone that we will have to hold their child through the evening so they can "get a break."
Which also makes us feel like we're being used for free child care.
At risk for sounding like an ass, I guess I just didn't realize their decision to have a baby meant that we had a part-time baby too? At first, we were trying very hard to be kind and receptive because they're new parents! Parenthood a big life-altering thing! .... But I guess I didn't realize that their decision to have a child was going to affect our lives as much as it had and I'm resenting these friends and their innocent baby.
I feel like they're overstepping.
Our priorities are just so different from theirs... We do everything in our power to maintain our lives - we work, we attend courses for our higher education, we clean, cook and take care of our family and priorities. Our time is very limited, and I feel like these friends (and their infant) are sucking our energy/life force out of us because they aren't adjusting well.
Has anyone else been in this situation? How did you handle it?
It has been difficult navigating our friendship with them - because their life has changed dramatically with the baby, of course, and I/we recognize that... The mom is a stay-at-home mom while the dad works full-time. The husband (dad) has not been very helpful with the baby, working 9-5 but then devoting evenings to other hobbies (video games, working out, etc).
I'm not being dramatic when I say that you cannot walk through their home because laundry and dishes and diapers are strewn everywhere (or the 2-3 puddles of dog pee that accumulates every day because they aren't letting their dogs outside). This is not excessive, I'm not being not dramatic - and I'm not a clean freak - it's just concerning.
They keep claiming it's because they're too busy with the baby to clean. So on three separate occasions, my partner and I have blocked off an entire weekend day to help them clean their house (and it takes ALL day). And then they go back to not doing dishes, not cleaning up after themselves, etc. We kept justifying that it was because they have a new baby. Now it just seems like they're using us as a cleaning service because they make no effort to maintain.
But that baby is now six months old and I am beginning to resent these friends. We actively chose not to have a child and now we're being asked to babysit on a Saturday night, to come over and hold the infant so they can clean (because they aren't), to hang out once to twice a week with the undertone that we will have to hold their child through the evening so they can "get a break."
Which also makes us feel like we're being used for free child care.
At risk for sounding like an ass, I guess I just didn't realize their decision to have a baby meant that we had a part-time baby too? At first, we were trying very hard to be kind and receptive because they're new parents! Parenthood a big life-altering thing! .... But I guess I didn't realize that their decision to have a child was going to affect our lives as much as it had and I'm resenting these friends and their innocent baby.
I feel like they're overstepping.
Our priorities are just so different from theirs... We do everything in our power to maintain our lives - we work, we attend courses for our higher education, we clean, cook and take care of our family and priorities. Our time is very limited, and I feel like these friends (and their infant) are sucking our energy/life force out of us because they aren't adjusting well.
Has anyone else been in this situation? How did you handle it?
