Post by KV on Oct 19, 2020 20:06:50 GMT -5
Warning: There will be plenty of cursing and mention of thoughts of self harm.
So basically I want to leave my home. At the current age I'm at, I can't legally leave my home without parental consent and both of my parents don't even like the idea of me getting a dorm to go to college because they say "they need me at home to help with my sisters" (quite honestly I believe that's a load of bullshit, they just don't want to let go of me).
Let's start at the beginning I guess. Well, everything was perfectly fine in the beginning, the first 5 years of my life were fine, I had no issues at all, at least none at the time (I'm not so sure about now). The most to worry about was that I was a shy kid who couldn't really get along with people (because of this and also the fact that I knew some faecal kids, I ended up mostly feeling alone as a child). I was also a pretty smart kid who could grasp concept easily. So I guess my childhood was okay (not completely seeing as a lot of issues stemmed from it but that's for another thread). It was when I was almost 5 that things began to change.
A few months before I had almost become 5 years old, my mom had twins who are my only two siblings. Everyone was extremely excited and I had become an older sibling so it seemed great for a while. The issue came months later. My family (my parents and I specifically) had found out that both my siblings were special need kids. One of them had ADHD, OCD, anxiety, some issues with learning, etc. My other sibling had extreme educational development problems; I mean that they can barely do addition and subtraction or reading and writing. Not to mention, they need surgery for certain physical issues and they need speech therapy as they cannot physically speak well. Their overall IQ is a 66 (for those who don't know, that is medically known mental retardation, after all, a 65 IQ is considered defective, sounds horrible the way they state it). Once this happened, the ideal image of a family had practically broken in my father's eyes and my mother had to deal with a lot of it herself. This was because at the time I was too young to help seeing as I didn't even fully comprehend the situation and even now I can't completely help because I also have my own education to worry about. It didn't help that my father couldn't accept that my siblings are special ed., he states that we are "negative" for telling him that they struggle with the concepts the classes "teach" them about and he has the audacity to say that the special needs they have are "something the doctor says for the sake of [insert stupid reason here]". Basically pressure was building up in my household. It doesn't help that my parents are both very religious Hispanics who were taught the "traditional way", which of course consists of hitting and yelling.
For the sake of making this thread shorter, I cut to the chase. After my sisters were born, a lot of tension began to rise. I don't blame my siblings for this, they did absolutely nothing wrong, it isn't their fault that they were born with special needs, they never even asked to be brought to this f**k**g shit hole of a life. I blame my parents for being so irresponsible, they decided to have another child when we had such a small home and weren't that high on cash either. Doesn't help that my parents got two more kids instead of one. Anyways, because of all this tension, my parents began to become a lot more easily irritable. You could do the slightest thing and they would snap. They are constantly fighting each other, all you can hear is screaming, even when you're outside of the apartment. When you bring up the fact that they are constantly fighting, they say some shit like "this is how I grew up and I turned out perfectly fine" (says the "Rear End" unable to control their f**k**g anger).
Throughout the years, everything just became far more aggressive. Fights began escalating, some even became physical fights, my parents were yelling 24/7 at this point, if you brought up their behavior they would yell at me telling me I'm being dramatic and stupid and that that is our culture (it's one of the shittiest excuses I have heard, imagine trying to justify your behavior by saying that's your culture). It was in middle school that things were horrible. The fighting had reached its peak and my siblings and I were constantly stuck in the middle, once my parents were pissed off, the three of us were caught in the crossfire and they would take their anger out on us by yelling at us constantly and blaming us for some of the smallest things, even if it wasn't our fault. I can't really say who gets it the worst, all of us had it pretty bad. It was during my 7th and 8th grade that I really wanted to trying cutting myself or swallow multiple pills to overdoes. I never went through with any of it because my parents would find out about the cuts or if I had overdoses and survived, things would be far worse. I don't have my own room so I always lock myself in the small bathroom to cry and when I'm in there, I use my long nails to scratch at my skin until it's completely marked red (longest time it took to heal was over a week, closer to two weeks perhaps). My mother actually found out about this and she called me crazy and said "what will the other people at school think?". My anxiety and stress got worse throughout this time, I began having severe panic attacks at one point. My mother had witnessed one of my worse panic attacks and instead of asking if I was okay she told me I was crazy and that I should stop "picking up these things from school". I began showing signs of depression and borderline personality as well (I unfortunately don't have access to a professional who can confirm this so I don't really know if I have it or not). I am now in the most important year of my high school life and with the pandemic that's hit, I haven't been able to help out my siblings as much. Because of this, my mother has been having to help both of my siblings with their classes and their work. By help I mean that she will yell at them to do what they have to do during class and when they have to do homework, she will sit their and read over everything, tell them what to do by (for the most part) yelling and if she gets tired, she will let them complete it themselves saying that she was helping them the entire time.
I understand she can't always be there to help them every second and I know that they shouldn't get accustom to always getting help because then they will always be relying on someone in the future, however, the way she does things aren't right. Whenever she gets really angry, which can happen quite easily, she'll hit you or grab your ear or hair forcefully and I know from experience that it basically feels like it's going to get ripped off.
My father isn't a saint either, he is just as bad as my mother, his threats are disgusting. He's told me multiple times on many different occasions that he would punch my teach in and make me eat my own teeth and he's told my sibling that he would cut their fingers off with a knife and at one point he went up to her with the large kitchen knife telling her to still her fingers out. There is so much more that I could say but this is getting to long and I have homework to do.
I think the funniest part throughout all of this is that the entire time I was writing this, I was speaking with my parents normally as if nothing was wrong. My mother was yelling the entire time at one of my siblings my dad got involved after she said she wanted to die. My mother is blaming it on the internet but she's wrong, my sibling got that from me. Both of my siblings have seen me break down numerous times and heard me say out loud that I wanted to kill myself. After hearing my sibling say she wanted to die, my mother only got more pissed off and my father surprisingly said that he would help my sister and he actually did. Afterward, he pulled me over and I saw he was crying and he told me to help my sister through these times. He spoke as if I knew nothing of the situation but little does he f**k**g know that I know exactly what that feels like. For once in a very long time, I actually felt as though he wasn't such a bad person. It's because of the few moments like this one that I actually feel bad for wanting to leave, but I'm not stupid. I'm leaving whether they like it or not. And I plan to take my siblings with me as well.
Let's start at the beginning I guess. Well, everything was perfectly fine in the beginning, the first 5 years of my life were fine, I had no issues at all, at least none at the time (I'm not so sure about now). The most to worry about was that I was a shy kid who couldn't really get along with people (because of this and also the fact that I knew some faecal kids, I ended up mostly feeling alone as a child). I was also a pretty smart kid who could grasp concept easily. So I guess my childhood was okay (not completely seeing as a lot of issues stemmed from it but that's for another thread). It was when I was almost 5 that things began to change.
A few months before I had almost become 5 years old, my mom had twins who are my only two siblings. Everyone was extremely excited and I had become an older sibling so it seemed great for a while. The issue came months later. My family (my parents and I specifically) had found out that both my siblings were special need kids. One of them had ADHD, OCD, anxiety, some issues with learning, etc. My other sibling had extreme educational development problems; I mean that they can barely do addition and subtraction or reading and writing. Not to mention, they need surgery for certain physical issues and they need speech therapy as they cannot physically speak well. Their overall IQ is a 66 (for those who don't know, that is medically known mental retardation, after all, a 65 IQ is considered defective, sounds horrible the way they state it). Once this happened, the ideal image of a family had practically broken in my father's eyes and my mother had to deal with a lot of it herself. This was because at the time I was too young to help seeing as I didn't even fully comprehend the situation and even now I can't completely help because I also have my own education to worry about. It didn't help that my father couldn't accept that my siblings are special ed., he states that we are "negative" for telling him that they struggle with the concepts the classes "teach" them about and he has the audacity to say that the special needs they have are "something the doctor says for the sake of [insert stupid reason here]". Basically pressure was building up in my household. It doesn't help that my parents are both very religious Hispanics who were taught the "traditional way", which of course consists of hitting and yelling.
For the sake of making this thread shorter, I cut to the chase. After my sisters were born, a lot of tension began to rise. I don't blame my siblings for this, they did absolutely nothing wrong, it isn't their fault that they were born with special needs, they never even asked to be brought to this f**k**g shit hole of a life. I blame my parents for being so irresponsible, they decided to have another child when we had such a small home and weren't that high on cash either. Doesn't help that my parents got two more kids instead of one. Anyways, because of all this tension, my parents began to become a lot more easily irritable. You could do the slightest thing and they would snap. They are constantly fighting each other, all you can hear is screaming, even when you're outside of the apartment. When you bring up the fact that they are constantly fighting, they say some shit like "this is how I grew up and I turned out perfectly fine" (says the "Rear End" unable to control their f**k**g anger).
Throughout the years, everything just became far more aggressive. Fights began escalating, some even became physical fights, my parents were yelling 24/7 at this point, if you brought up their behavior they would yell at me telling me I'm being dramatic and stupid and that that is our culture (it's one of the shittiest excuses I have heard, imagine trying to justify your behavior by saying that's your culture). It was in middle school that things were horrible. The fighting had reached its peak and my siblings and I were constantly stuck in the middle, once my parents were pissed off, the three of us were caught in the crossfire and they would take their anger out on us by yelling at us constantly and blaming us for some of the smallest things, even if it wasn't our fault. I can't really say who gets it the worst, all of us had it pretty bad. It was during my 7th and 8th grade that I really wanted to trying cutting myself or swallow multiple pills to overdoes. I never went through with any of it because my parents would find out about the cuts or if I had overdoses and survived, things would be far worse. I don't have my own room so I always lock myself in the small bathroom to cry and when I'm in there, I use my long nails to scratch at my skin until it's completely marked red (longest time it took to heal was over a week, closer to two weeks perhaps). My mother actually found out about this and she called me crazy and said "what will the other people at school think?". My anxiety and stress got worse throughout this time, I began having severe panic attacks at one point. My mother had witnessed one of my worse panic attacks and instead of asking if I was okay she told me I was crazy and that I should stop "picking up these things from school". I began showing signs of depression and borderline personality as well (I unfortunately don't have access to a professional who can confirm this so I don't really know if I have it or not). I am now in the most important year of my high school life and with the pandemic that's hit, I haven't been able to help out my siblings as much. Because of this, my mother has been having to help both of my siblings with their classes and their work. By help I mean that she will yell at them to do what they have to do during class and when they have to do homework, she will sit their and read over everything, tell them what to do by (for the most part) yelling and if she gets tired, she will let them complete it themselves saying that she was helping them the entire time.
I understand she can't always be there to help them every second and I know that they shouldn't get accustom to always getting help because then they will always be relying on someone in the future, however, the way she does things aren't right. Whenever she gets really angry, which can happen quite easily, she'll hit you or grab your ear or hair forcefully and I know from experience that it basically feels like it's going to get ripped off.
My father isn't a saint either, he is just as bad as my mother, his threats are disgusting. He's told me multiple times on many different occasions that he would punch my teach in and make me eat my own teeth and he's told my sibling that he would cut their fingers off with a knife and at one point he went up to her with the large kitchen knife telling her to still her fingers out. There is so much more that I could say but this is getting to long and I have homework to do.
I think the funniest part throughout all of this is that the entire time I was writing this, I was speaking with my parents normally as if nothing was wrong. My mother was yelling the entire time at one of my siblings my dad got involved after she said she wanted to die. My mother is blaming it on the internet but she's wrong, my sibling got that from me. Both of my siblings have seen me break down numerous times and heard me say out loud that I wanted to kill myself. After hearing my sibling say she wanted to die, my mother only got more pissed off and my father surprisingly said that he would help my sister and he actually did. Afterward, he pulled me over and I saw he was crying and he told me to help my sister through these times. He spoke as if I knew nothing of the situation but little does he f**k**g know that I know exactly what that feels like. For once in a very long time, I actually felt as though he wasn't such a bad person. It's because of the few moments like this one that I actually feel bad for wanting to leave, but I'm not stupid. I'm leaving whether they like it or not. And I plan to take my siblings with me as well.
