Post by whatswrong on Sept 18, 2020 15:05:10 GMT -5
I'll try and keep this short, but without knowing the full story won't do it justice. I've been with my girlfriend (now ex) 6 years. We have had a turbulent relationship to say the least. My ex blames me for losing all her friends and her confidence. 8 months ago she accused me of being manipulative, mentally abusive and controlling to which I was in complete shock... don't get me wrong, i'm far from perfect, I used to shout when we argued, call her names like "d**k head", "prick" etc. Not good I know.
Recently i've been able to just not argue and when she tries I ask her once to stop, if she carries on, i'll go to the spare room (sometimes she follows). After the argument we had 8 months ago, i've not really been myself with her, i've struggled to be close (although our sex life is non-existent, twice in a year kind of numbers). It was her birthday recently, I was working during a very VERY busy time and basically told her that my hands are tied this year, and I can't do anything on her birthday. My plan was to actually take her out on the weekend when I was off. Anyway, on the way home after working alot of hours I picked up some food, her favourite chocolate bar and some flowers. When I arrived home she was extremely dismissive and had no interest in any of it. We argued again.
I struggle to understand this situation because she knows how busy and exhausted I am, but she didn't care, she wanted to do something on her birthday. I gave up. We argued for a week about the same thing, totally not understanding each other, so I told her i'd lost all respect for her. Which I have. Shes watched me go through hell the last 2 weeks but insisted we do something for her birthday, had she had a little patience we would have gone out on the weekend.... but no. I ended the relationship when she repeated what she said 8 months ago. I couldn't do this anymore. I'm not that person! When we first got together we didn't have a 'honeymoon period' because she was living with her pregnant friend at the time, I was very needy back then and we'd spoke about it. This was now the complete opposite and I am far from needy these days!
Anyway, I have a very close friend in work who has helped and support me through thick and thin and I have her too. She could see I was very down and not myself and asked me what was wrong, she insisted and me talking to her because she knew I wasn't myself, so we met up one night and spoke for what must have been 4 hours. I was going to a siblings house that night to get pissed and asked if she fancied a drink (first mistake?), we drank a lot, told a lot of stories, had a genuinely fun time. I hadn't had this much attention for years! We kissed. My fault, I initiated it. She took the drinks off us both and kissed me back. We didn't do anything sexual but we did lie with each other all night, holding each other. What makes this situation 1 million times worse, is both my ex and my good friend work with me..... so now the awkwardness has hit levels I can't cope with.
Apparently my friend has admitted having feelings for me and i've always liked my friend, she is very pretty and has had a terrible time in relationships, I feel very sorry for her as she should be treated better. But now when we see each other it isn't natural anymore... she insists its only awkward because she doesn't want people knowing what happened but she really likes me and would like to see where it goes. So now my head is well and truly up my arse!
My ex is a lovely human being, very caring, easily lovable, very caring but just not towards me. It's like she thinks i'm some super strong independent guy that should look after himself without help. Shes never really supported me, we don't have sex and we very rarely spend time together. I love her, I know I do, but I don't love our relationship.
My friend is a wild cat, only 23, loves attention from boys, but also has a very loving side, like Amy she is caring but is a lot more carefree with her life. I do like her, but I fear anything further than friendship would end up hurting me in the long run. IS this lust? Or do I just enjoy the attention. Or do I want to be with her?
Now i'm lost and although it doesn't seem like to many people, i've gone to a very dark place in my mind which I fear I might not recover from. I promised myself I would never go back to this after my parents passed, but I'm slowly getting there because if my ex finds out I kissed someone weeks after splitting up with her, I genuinely think it would hurt her very deeply, which I do not want to do. At the same time, I think i'm falling for my friend big time. But, I could lose a future that has kids on the horizon with my ex for what essentially could just be lust which would mean I lose everything.
But what am I afraid of? Losing my ex, or being on my own? Am I afraid that falling for my friend is just wrong because I know i'd struggle to handle the relationship? I have tried to keep this short and sweet, there is so much more information needed to this story, but even having a random person make a comment on what they think may just help pull me out of a very dark place (which is entirely my fault).
HELP ME.
Apologies for my terrible spelling and grammar, my head has gone.
Recently i've been able to just not argue and when she tries I ask her once to stop, if she carries on, i'll go to the spare room (sometimes she follows). After the argument we had 8 months ago, i've not really been myself with her, i've struggled to be close (although our sex life is non-existent, twice in a year kind of numbers). It was her birthday recently, I was working during a very VERY busy time and basically told her that my hands are tied this year, and I can't do anything on her birthday. My plan was to actually take her out on the weekend when I was off. Anyway, on the way home after working alot of hours I picked up some food, her favourite chocolate bar and some flowers. When I arrived home she was extremely dismissive and had no interest in any of it. We argued again.
I struggle to understand this situation because she knows how busy and exhausted I am, but she didn't care, she wanted to do something on her birthday. I gave up. We argued for a week about the same thing, totally not understanding each other, so I told her i'd lost all respect for her. Which I have. Shes watched me go through hell the last 2 weeks but insisted we do something for her birthday, had she had a little patience we would have gone out on the weekend.... but no. I ended the relationship when she repeated what she said 8 months ago. I couldn't do this anymore. I'm not that person! When we first got together we didn't have a 'honeymoon period' because she was living with her pregnant friend at the time, I was very needy back then and we'd spoke about it. This was now the complete opposite and I am far from needy these days!
Anyway, I have a very close friend in work who has helped and support me through thick and thin and I have her too. She could see I was very down and not myself and asked me what was wrong, she insisted and me talking to her because she knew I wasn't myself, so we met up one night and spoke for what must have been 4 hours. I was going to a siblings house that night to get pissed and asked if she fancied a drink (first mistake?), we drank a lot, told a lot of stories, had a genuinely fun time. I hadn't had this much attention for years! We kissed. My fault, I initiated it. She took the drinks off us both and kissed me back. We didn't do anything sexual but we did lie with each other all night, holding each other. What makes this situation 1 million times worse, is both my ex and my good friend work with me..... so now the awkwardness has hit levels I can't cope with.
Apparently my friend has admitted having feelings for me and i've always liked my friend, she is very pretty and has had a terrible time in relationships, I feel very sorry for her as she should be treated better. But now when we see each other it isn't natural anymore... she insists its only awkward because she doesn't want people knowing what happened but she really likes me and would like to see where it goes. So now my head is well and truly up my arse!
My ex is a lovely human being, very caring, easily lovable, very caring but just not towards me. It's like she thinks i'm some super strong independent guy that should look after himself without help. Shes never really supported me, we don't have sex and we very rarely spend time together. I love her, I know I do, but I don't love our relationship.
My friend is a wild cat, only 23, loves attention from boys, but also has a very loving side, like Amy she is caring but is a lot more carefree with her life. I do like her, but I fear anything further than friendship would end up hurting me in the long run. IS this lust? Or do I just enjoy the attention. Or do I want to be with her?
Now i'm lost and although it doesn't seem like to many people, i've gone to a very dark place in my mind which I fear I might not recover from. I promised myself I would never go back to this after my parents passed, but I'm slowly getting there because if my ex finds out I kissed someone weeks after splitting up with her, I genuinely think it would hurt her very deeply, which I do not want to do. At the same time, I think i'm falling for my friend big time. But, I could lose a future that has kids on the horizon with my ex for what essentially could just be lust which would mean I lose everything.
But what am I afraid of? Losing my ex, or being on my own? Am I afraid that falling for my friend is just wrong because I know i'd struggle to handle the relationship? I have tried to keep this short and sweet, there is so much more information needed to this story, but even having a random person make a comment on what they think may just help pull me out of a very dark place (which is entirely my fault).
HELP ME.
Apologies for my terrible spelling and grammar, my head has gone.
