Post by aoife on Jun 3, 2020 8:54:40 GMT -5
I think my mum might be abusive but its really difficult to accept this. I've been talking to someone online and I have told him the kind of things my mum says and does including calling me worthless among other horrible names and pinning me down to hit me and throwing chairs at me. These things happened maybe 2 or 3 years ago but they still effect me. I have panic attacks and have invasive memories and that person that I have been talking to says I could have PTSD from it although I'm finding it difficult to accept such a severe mental illness as the answer to why I'm experiencing these things since it seems to me that kind of diagnosis belongs to people who are without a doubt abused or went to war or something else actually traumatic and unlike something I experienced. Everyone has gotten hit and yelled at by their parents but I'm struggling to understand why it effects me so much. My mum isn't the only one to do these things to me, my dad has slapped me across the face a few times and comments of my weight a lot and uses horrible names too but not to the same extent my mum does.
Recently I've been having more invasive memories that have led to me having huge panic attacks and to immense feelings of a need to escape and get help but should I be searching for it? Do I deserve that help that could maybe instead be given to someone who is in immediate danger? I'm not in any immediate danger but I still have fantasies of not being in contact with my parents. I've been thinking of cutting off all contact with them but I don't have the means to do that yet. I don't have the finances to find my own place and escape them but should I be trying to escape them at all? I also live in Ireland so rent is insane so that's impossible at the moment as with all the money I've saved up in my 18 years would only pay 1 months rent in a semi-decent place. Should I be trying to get out now even though I don't think I'm in any immediate danger? Or should I wait until after I'm finished college, to get a good job so I can move out in 4 years time and cut them off?
Recently I've been having more invasive memories that have led to me having huge panic attacks and to immense feelings of a need to escape and get help but should I be searching for it? Do I deserve that help that could maybe instead be given to someone who is in immediate danger? I'm not in any immediate danger but I still have fantasies of not being in contact with my parents. I've been thinking of cutting off all contact with them but I don't have the means to do that yet. I don't have the finances to find my own place and escape them but should I be trying to escape them at all? I also live in Ireland so rent is insane so that's impossible at the moment as with all the money I've saved up in my 18 years would only pay 1 months rent in a semi-decent place. Should I be trying to get out now even though I don't think I'm in any immediate danger? Or should I wait until after I'm finished college, to get a good job so I can move out in 4 years time and cut them off?
