Considering Dropping out of College.

I am currently a college student struggling with college. I am basically not doing well and just barely being able to stay in school(grades wise). A few things about myself before I really get into the advice wanting. I have insomnia because I used to get super anxious about my grade and getting yelled at. I was born into a very religious family who came from another country. My parents basically won a lottery for their visa and came here to make a living. They came here and had me. This makes me a first generation immigrant (I think). My parents worked very hard and would raise me and my sister. As well as send money back home to our extended family. Now this ment that we didn’t have that much money. Now, Growing up my parents were all about grades and religion. (They were also very controlling although I didn’t realize til later in life) Growing up, I could keep up with their expectations getting straight A’s and going to religion school, thing is I would get berated for even the slightest of things. An example is in elementary school we had a plus minus and check mark system where we were graded upon that. I would have majority pluses with some checkmarks and still would get berated. An 89 is not good enough type thing. They would also make snide comments about everything and really just shit on anything I had an interest in. “Why are you reading a novel when you could be reading your textbook.” Or “All you do is play games” (One I hear everyday but not to my face is “He’s playing video games, never will be anything”). My mom would try to sneak up on me while I am studying. If I was studying, I would get a sarcastic “Oh are you studying? Really?” Or If I was doing anything that is suspicious to her she would yell for my dad saying I was playing games. My dad would often get irrationally mad and break things. They basically has a multitude of rules and enforce all those rules. A lot of mental abuse. Some physical. As the years went on I started to care less and less about grades and started becoming depressed. All the abuse was just getting to me and I started to lose motivation cause my grades to slip a bit but still B range. As the years passed, we have butted head a bunch of times. I have gotten kicked out, told I was no good and a bad son, etc. I was planning on using college as a way to move out.



My parents being the very controlling religious people they are told me I was not allowed to dorm and had to commute an hour and a half to school via train. I argued but to no avail and started the semester commuting. Not being able to sleep at night I would get 2-3 hours of sleep. getting up at 7 to catch the train to get a 9 am class every morning. Plus when I had test it was earlier as I had to get there by 8 am. This mix with no sleep made it hard to stay awake and focus. During my high school days I would power through the day and crash when I got home, but I couldn’t do that as my college does trimesters instead of semesters. Meaning I had to stay up after coming home and study classes. My grades started to slip and I was just barely able to get good grades. Two “semesters” in and I was places on probation. I soon entered a cycle of barely passing getting taken off probation before being placed back on it. This lasted for two years before I convinced them to let me move closer to school to really get back all the time I was losing to commuting. Fast forward to just before the quarantine,I took a semester off to move out and get situated. After moving out my relationship with my parents improved ten fold. They started acting like supportive parents instead of just shitting on me. One my break was over, I went back to school saw major improvements to my studies and was getting better grades...until I hit midterms. I flunked two out of three. I managed to pass the semester. As I am now in quarantine still flunking courses and overall not doing well, I was thinking of dropping out.



If you have read this far, thank you. Now is the time for my advice asking. Should I continue college? I still have three more while having “finished” three. I have been debating dropping out because I feel like it is a waste of my parents money. I simply do not want them to spend it on me when I am not showing results. What I want to do is work full-time while figuring out what I want to do. I realized a lot about myself during the break I had and one of them is that the time I have in a trimester is not enough for me to be able to learn. I am going for Electrical Engineering, but now I am not sure if I want to be an engineer.



Should I drop out?



Edit: Sorry for any bad grammar or spelling mistakes. I will fix them as I realized them.