Is it selfish to get admitted for mental health w/ the virus
Apr 22, 2020 19:56:57 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by elliotmarie on Apr 22, 2020 19:56:57 GMT -5
I’ll put the short story here and a longer version below for those interested. Trigger warnings for some darker stuff.
Short version is I’m honestly really depressed. There isn’t much more to it. I’ve been struggling since I was really young and the last few months have been really insane and I’m exhausted. I’m so tired and I’m so tired of living my life sad all of the time and I don’t want to be here anymore. My parents are aware but are fairly detached. I’m just not totally safe and I’ve never thought this before but it might be time to get admitted. I’m on meds and they’ve been changed throughout this and I usually have therapy but I can’t with the virus and blah blah blah. I’m so scared if I admit myself that I’m taking away resources for someone who actually needs it. How selfish would it be? I don’t want to put anyone out especially considering what’s going on and I feel so stupid for even asking because I know my stuff is so not important
Long story
I’ve had mental health problems for years but they’ve been exaggerated for the last 6 months. I’ve never felt more hopeless and anxious and all of that in my life. My therapist and I worked on finding something good I could focus on and we picked my spring break vacation (birthday/Christmas present) to NYC that I’ve been dreaming of for years. We were going to come back I was going to start my last quarter of my AA, graduate a year early in the spring, move on to my online masters program and move out of my house which honestly with my situation is like a new start. I’ve been working my butt off to graduate with my degree a year early and all of this other stuff while honestly really struggling which I know sounds dramatic. I did it though and I passed all my classes while planning a surprise 25th anniversary party for my parents that I spent some good money on. In the end with the virus I don’t get any of that. The spring break trip had to be canceled, my classes are really weird, I don’t get to walk for a graduation and I didn’t my senior year because I was going to with the college (and my masters is fully online so there’s no graduation at all). So I bought a tortoise. Weird but I love animals and it was how I was coping. I sorta picked myself up. I started the classes I technically need and I just gave up and got over it. THE TORTOISE DIED. I literally had him less than four weeks and he had something from long before but he died. I just I don’t know. I’m so crushed I feel like everything I’ve worked towards so far I’m my life is meaningless. The years I spent on my education, I don’t get to walk and that’s doing both highschool and college. I just honestly feel like nothing I do matters. I put so much effort into turning my life around and getting a better situation and it’s all gone. I just did everything I could, I got a little buddy and he died. I just can’t do this anymore. I’m so tired and I want to remember what it’s like to actually be happy and not want to cry all the time and I don’t want to be dramatic I know so many people have it worse I’m just so tired I’m so tired
Short version is I’m honestly really depressed. There isn’t much more to it. I’ve been struggling since I was really young and the last few months have been really insane and I’m exhausted. I’m so tired and I’m so tired of living my life sad all of the time and I don’t want to be here anymore. My parents are aware but are fairly detached. I’m just not totally safe and I’ve never thought this before but it might be time to get admitted. I’m on meds and they’ve been changed throughout this and I usually have therapy but I can’t with the virus and blah blah blah. I’m so scared if I admit myself that I’m taking away resources for someone who actually needs it. How selfish would it be? I don’t want to put anyone out especially considering what’s going on and I feel so stupid for even asking because I know my stuff is so not important
Long story
I’ve had mental health problems for years but they’ve been exaggerated for the last 6 months. I’ve never felt more hopeless and anxious and all of that in my life. My therapist and I worked on finding something good I could focus on and we picked my spring break vacation (birthday/Christmas present) to NYC that I’ve been dreaming of for years. We were going to come back I was going to start my last quarter of my AA, graduate a year early in the spring, move on to my online masters program and move out of my house which honestly with my situation is like a new start. I’ve been working my butt off to graduate with my degree a year early and all of this other stuff while honestly really struggling which I know sounds dramatic. I did it though and I passed all my classes while planning a surprise 25th anniversary party for my parents that I spent some good money on. In the end with the virus I don’t get any of that. The spring break trip had to be canceled, my classes are really weird, I don’t get to walk for a graduation and I didn’t my senior year because I was going to with the college (and my masters is fully online so there’s no graduation at all). So I bought a tortoise. Weird but I love animals and it was how I was coping. I sorta picked myself up. I started the classes I technically need and I just gave up and got over it. THE TORTOISE DIED. I literally had him less than four weeks and he had something from long before but he died. I just I don’t know. I’m so crushed I feel like everything I’ve worked towards so far I’m my life is meaningless. The years I spent on my education, I don’t get to walk and that’s doing both highschool and college. I just honestly feel like nothing I do matters. I put so much effort into turning my life around and getting a better situation and it’s all gone. I just did everything I could, I got a little buddy and he died. I just can’t do this anymore. I’m so tired and I want to remember what it’s like to actually be happy and not want to cry all the time and I don’t want to be dramatic I know so many people have it worse I’m just so tired I’m so tired
