Post by thelittleme on Oct 8, 2017 16:52:45 GMT -5
This is a long story but I've been struggling to know if I was in the wrong completely and if I was immature to "block out" or basically stop being friends with these people.
So I had this close friend I've known for about 4 years. She's a pretty laid back person but can't see herself be with another person romantically (I think it's because of her parents, her dad being a drunk and them arguing all the time when she was little). But we do sometimes talk about this or that guy/girl.
So basically, this particular time occurred where we were at a club fair at our university where we were promoting our organization. This guy came up to us and said he remembered seeing our online site and particularly remembered my friend's picture. A few days later, I texted my friend how I thought it was interesting that the guy only remembered her picture because the only picture on the site was a collage of all the officers of the organization. She said that she didn't think much of it and said she was good. We were also in a group chat with our friends. I ended up talking about that (the guy remembering my friend's photo) in the group chat because it was out of the ordinary.
Suddenly my friend became pissed and decided to confront me in the group chat instead of one on one. I guess she wanted an audience which was kind of stupid. She told me how I should have kept the conversation in our direct chat since there was no need to talk about it. She was freaking out about it and that was pretty rare because we've talked about guys like this before. So eventually my cousin (who was in the group chat too) came in and made this long message about how I was mean for knowing how she felt and ignored her feelings and talked about it anyway and how she was "fed up with this" [did not know what that meant because she and I didn't have a bad conversation beforehand]. It was odd because my friend never said anything about being mad and irritated. All she said was "I'm good." My cousin's friend came in and said I should have asked for permission to talk about that story with the others..(even though it was my observation?). So my cousin's two friends "liked" her long message and everyone agreed how I should have considered her feelings.
Of course I apologized to my friend in the direct chat and told her I did not mean to actually hurt her. We cleared up the confusion. Turns out "I'm good" meant "I'm pissed; let's stop talking about this" which didn't make sense but she blamed me for not knowing and how I should have known since her other friends would know what she meant. I told her to be blunt next time since I am not the greatest at sarcasm or such through text and I don't have magical powers to read her mind.
Because of my raging emotions towards the other three (my cousin and her two friends), I individually texted them something immature which was "You are so mature for not listening to both sides of the story. Congrats." My cousin said "wow" and that was the last time we talked (Although, later on at a university event she came up to me and tried to chat as if nothing happened). One friend said I should have put myself in the other person's shoes and consider "is it okay to do this?" She then started listing off things about how I've been rude (straightforward in my terms) to my friend in the group chat but that's because I say half the things I mean in the group chat but mostly talk about them privately; this friend also said I should have apologized and I said already did but I don't need an audience. The other friend did not respond but I'm sure he wouldn't have been so nice in talking to me because he heavily defends my cousin no matter if she's right or wrong. I stopped talking to those three because I didn't want to be around people who weren't considerate and stayed friends with my friend.
A few weeks later, I brought up the topic again and said I was more hurt by those three because they wanted to take sides without considering both sides and accused me of being that hurtful. My friend did not understand and began to defend them by saying "they're my friends. what were they supposed to do?" [as if they weren't my friends either? particularly my cousin...] She also mentioned how I should be the one to talk to them to make up. I thought that was odd because it sounds like I'm supposed to apologize. She then continued saying she was also hurt, but I said that we already cleared that up and that I had no intention to hurt her. She said whatever let's stop talking about this. That's when I decided to keep my distance from her because I didn't want to be around someone who wouldn't take the time to understand how I felt in that aspect. It wasn't about the situation between me and her and our miscommunication. It was about who I thought were my friends taking sides and not considering what my perspective was.
A month later she caught on that I would only talk to her when it came to our organization or homework. She asked if I was mad. I made this long message about how I truly felt, how I wanted her to understand that I was upset with her not sympathizing or empathizing with my situation with the three people, how it was not about her but about me being accused of being the mean one. After that, she replied that she felt like I was blaming her. She then said "I just don't get how you blocked everyone and stopped talking to them. Was it because they attacked you? Was that the only reason?"
I told her I didn't want to be around others who weren't considerate and would be willing to "attack" me suddenly. Again I said I wanted her to understand my situation or my feelings and that we wouldn't be as great as friends as we used to be if she couldn't understand.
She started mentioning a completely different story about me talking behind her back and how I was describing her as judgmental towards someone [at the time, she told me she saw it {we had an online account and I forgot she uses it too because I mostly use it} and she wanted to clear up that she wasn't being judgmental so I said oh okay and cleared it up with the person I was speaking to] and how she still put up with me.
She then began to talk about herself as the victim by mentioning things completely unrelated to why I was originally upset and said that she didn't understand why I would bring up that story in the first place (the group chat incident which we cleared up already but I guess she couldn't think of other things to say?). She then said she couldn't understand why she would sympathize and that it's stupid to end our friendship over something like this.
~~~~~
Was it immature to do something like stop being friends with these people?
So I had this close friend I've known for about 4 years. She's a pretty laid back person but can't see herself be with another person romantically (I think it's because of her parents, her dad being a drunk and them arguing all the time when she was little). But we do sometimes talk about this or that guy/girl.
So basically, this particular time occurred where we were at a club fair at our university where we were promoting our organization. This guy came up to us and said he remembered seeing our online site and particularly remembered my friend's picture. A few days later, I texted my friend how I thought it was interesting that the guy only remembered her picture because the only picture on the site was a collage of all the officers of the organization. She said that she didn't think much of it and said she was good. We were also in a group chat with our friends. I ended up talking about that (the guy remembering my friend's photo) in the group chat because it was out of the ordinary.
Suddenly my friend became pissed and decided to confront me in the group chat instead of one on one. I guess she wanted an audience which was kind of stupid. She told me how I should have kept the conversation in our direct chat since there was no need to talk about it. She was freaking out about it and that was pretty rare because we've talked about guys like this before. So eventually my cousin (who was in the group chat too) came in and made this long message about how I was mean for knowing how she felt and ignored her feelings and talked about it anyway and how she was "fed up with this" [did not know what that meant because she and I didn't have a bad conversation beforehand]. It was odd because my friend never said anything about being mad and irritated. All she said was "I'm good." My cousin's friend came in and said I should have asked for permission to talk about that story with the others..(even though it was my observation?). So my cousin's two friends "liked" her long message and everyone agreed how I should have considered her feelings.
Of course I apologized to my friend in the direct chat and told her I did not mean to actually hurt her. We cleared up the confusion. Turns out "I'm good" meant "I'm pissed; let's stop talking about this" which didn't make sense but she blamed me for not knowing and how I should have known since her other friends would know what she meant. I told her to be blunt next time since I am not the greatest at sarcasm or such through text and I don't have magical powers to read her mind.
Because of my raging emotions towards the other three (my cousin and her two friends), I individually texted them something immature which was "You are so mature for not listening to both sides of the story. Congrats." My cousin said "wow" and that was the last time we talked (Although, later on at a university event she came up to me and tried to chat as if nothing happened). One friend said I should have put myself in the other person's shoes and consider "is it okay to do this?" She then started listing off things about how I've been rude (straightforward in my terms) to my friend in the group chat but that's because I say half the things I mean in the group chat but mostly talk about them privately; this friend also said I should have apologized and I said already did but I don't need an audience. The other friend did not respond but I'm sure he wouldn't have been so nice in talking to me because he heavily defends my cousin no matter if she's right or wrong. I stopped talking to those three because I didn't want to be around people who weren't considerate and stayed friends with my friend.
A few weeks later, I brought up the topic again and said I was more hurt by those three because they wanted to take sides without considering both sides and accused me of being that hurtful. My friend did not understand and began to defend them by saying "they're my friends. what were they supposed to do?" [as if they weren't my friends either? particularly my cousin...] She also mentioned how I should be the one to talk to them to make up. I thought that was odd because it sounds like I'm supposed to apologize. She then continued saying she was also hurt, but I said that we already cleared that up and that I had no intention to hurt her. She said whatever let's stop talking about this. That's when I decided to keep my distance from her because I didn't want to be around someone who wouldn't take the time to understand how I felt in that aspect. It wasn't about the situation between me and her and our miscommunication. It was about who I thought were my friends taking sides and not considering what my perspective was.
A month later she caught on that I would only talk to her when it came to our organization or homework. She asked if I was mad. I made this long message about how I truly felt, how I wanted her to understand that I was upset with her not sympathizing or empathizing with my situation with the three people, how it was not about her but about me being accused of being the mean one. After that, she replied that she felt like I was blaming her. She then said "I just don't get how you blocked everyone and stopped talking to them. Was it because they attacked you? Was that the only reason?"
I told her I didn't want to be around others who weren't considerate and would be willing to "attack" me suddenly. Again I said I wanted her to understand my situation or my feelings and that we wouldn't be as great as friends as we used to be if she couldn't understand.
She started mentioning a completely different story about me talking behind her back and how I was describing her as judgmental towards someone [at the time, she told me she saw it {we had an online account and I forgot she uses it too because I mostly use it} and she wanted to clear up that she wasn't being judgmental so I said oh okay and cleared it up with the person I was speaking to] and how she still put up with me.
She then began to talk about herself as the victim by mentioning things completely unrelated to why I was originally upset and said that she didn't understand why I would bring up that story in the first place (the group chat incident which we cleared up already but I guess she couldn't think of other things to say?). She then said she couldn't understand why she would sympathize and that it's stupid to end our friendship over something like this.
~~~~~
Was it immature to do something like stop being friends with these people?
