Post by sgtatin on Aug 7, 2017 10:37:33 GMT -5
Okay, so, I live with my best friend of the last 9 years and our girlfriends in a 1 bedroom apartment with 5 cats. Naturally this is prone to create some friction. But, I think something needs to be done about my best friend specifically and I don't know what.
The main issue is that he cannot and will not cooperate with anything, nor take actions on his own. When I moved in with him it was after a month of staying with and looking after him (having just gone through an extremely painful break up), he had no money, no job, and very few options of places to stay, so I moved out and into his place, got him a job and took over keeping the place afloat for a couple months. It has been nearly a year and he is just as unlikely to thrive on his own, but no longer can I afford to help him, either.
He still has the job I provided, but walks a razor's edge above being fired and takes frequent days off (unpayed). The wages are acceptable, 12.50 an hour.
He manages to spend all of his money on fast food, cigarettes, soda, snacks and other luxury items that only he and his girlfriend partake in, late on rent every month without exception, often needing to borrow money for gas, and he has very few expenses, particularly seeing as he does not pay for things like car insurance, or car maintenance/oil changes. He has no concern for a potential problem and thus actively refuses to make preparations for anything.
He occupies the majority of the apartment and does not tolerate other people's things in his space (leaving my girlfriend and I buried in boxes and bags of everything we own in the tiny room.)
He does not clean anything, ever, not an exaggeration. He does not do his own dishes, laundry, clean up after (or feed) his 3 cats, clean his area of the apartment, clean any other area of the apartment, take out the trash, throw away his own trash, or anything else and will become extremely defensive, argumentative and bordering on physically hostile if you confront him about it.
He neglects his health, which is already very poor, denying he has any need to see a doctor or change any habits (he is overweight, hacking constantly and regularly coughs up blood). He refuses to eat food any healthier than taco bell or ramen noodles (with extra added MSG no less), even when bought, cooked, and served to him. He clips his nails once every few months, and occasionally trims his beard, he takes a shower every few days and otherwise has extremely poor person hygiene.
My girlfriend and I are personal trainers and martial artists, he has well defined and proud goals in both, but will not and does not exercise or practice. He has well defined educational and career goals, which he makes no effort or progress in.
He invites people over without warning, he borrows without asking, disregards our privacy entirely, barging into our room whenever and for whatever he likes, but demands we isolate ourselves to our room so that he and his girlfriend can have privacy including to actually just sleep. He goes out of his way to be as rude, snide and uncooperative as he can believing it to be funny and charming, and will become extremely hurt and defensive if you don't play along.
He lies about how much money he has and often will mysteriously arrive with items or money and refuse to disclose where or how he got them.
He occasionally steals things from us of exclusively minor value, never to sell, strictly for personal use (different from borrowing without asking as he also hides and lies about the items so that he can have them exclusively), he lies extremely frequently, and admits fault for absolutely nothing, reacting outright betrayed if you have caught him or pointed out misdeeds.
Best of all he believes that he is extremely gracious and benevolent to my girlfriend and I for "letting us stay with him." Though he obviously also expects lots of favours, special treatment and compensations.
He is gifted, intellectually and in many other regards, he simply chooses never to apply himself to anything except being a thingy for laughs. His goals are in line with mine and I want not only to see them through with him, but to be friends through the process, but I have little idea how to deal with someone so aggressively and deliberately unproductive.
The main issue is that he cannot and will not cooperate with anything, nor take actions on his own. When I moved in with him it was after a month of staying with and looking after him (having just gone through an extremely painful break up), he had no money, no job, and very few options of places to stay, so I moved out and into his place, got him a job and took over keeping the place afloat for a couple months. It has been nearly a year and he is just as unlikely to thrive on his own, but no longer can I afford to help him, either.
He still has the job I provided, but walks a razor's edge above being fired and takes frequent days off (unpayed). The wages are acceptable, 12.50 an hour.
He manages to spend all of his money on fast food, cigarettes, soda, snacks and other luxury items that only he and his girlfriend partake in, late on rent every month without exception, often needing to borrow money for gas, and he has very few expenses, particularly seeing as he does not pay for things like car insurance, or car maintenance/oil changes. He has no concern for a potential problem and thus actively refuses to make preparations for anything.
He occupies the majority of the apartment and does not tolerate other people's things in his space (leaving my girlfriend and I buried in boxes and bags of everything we own in the tiny room.)
He does not clean anything, ever, not an exaggeration. He does not do his own dishes, laundry, clean up after (or feed) his 3 cats, clean his area of the apartment, clean any other area of the apartment, take out the trash, throw away his own trash, or anything else and will become extremely defensive, argumentative and bordering on physically hostile if you confront him about it.
He neglects his health, which is already very poor, denying he has any need to see a doctor or change any habits (he is overweight, hacking constantly and regularly coughs up blood). He refuses to eat food any healthier than taco bell or ramen noodles (with extra added MSG no less), even when bought, cooked, and served to him. He clips his nails once every few months, and occasionally trims his beard, he takes a shower every few days and otherwise has extremely poor person hygiene.
My girlfriend and I are personal trainers and martial artists, he has well defined and proud goals in both, but will not and does not exercise or practice. He has well defined educational and career goals, which he makes no effort or progress in.
He invites people over without warning, he borrows without asking, disregards our privacy entirely, barging into our room whenever and for whatever he likes, but demands we isolate ourselves to our room so that he and his girlfriend can have privacy including to actually just sleep. He goes out of his way to be as rude, snide and uncooperative as he can believing it to be funny and charming, and will become extremely hurt and defensive if you don't play along.
He lies about how much money he has and often will mysteriously arrive with items or money and refuse to disclose where or how he got them.
He occasionally steals things from us of exclusively minor value, never to sell, strictly for personal use (different from borrowing without asking as he also hides and lies about the items so that he can have them exclusively), he lies extremely frequently, and admits fault for absolutely nothing, reacting outright betrayed if you have caught him or pointed out misdeeds.
Best of all he believes that he is extremely gracious and benevolent to my girlfriend and I for "letting us stay with him." Though he obviously also expects lots of favours, special treatment and compensations.
He is gifted, intellectually and in many other regards, he simply chooses never to apply himself to anything except being a thingy for laughs. His goals are in line with mine and I want not only to see them through with him, but to be friends through the process, but I have little idea how to deal with someone so aggressively and deliberately unproductive.
