brian
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Post by brian on Aug 1, 2016 1:48:56 GMT -5
Well, I met this girl bout 3 months back and I like her a lot but I have a dilemma.I am horrible with typing and what not so I'll try to keep this orderly. I met this girl through my best friend's friend at a highschool event. (I'll call her G in this post) well anyway we hung out the whole time together at the event for maybe like 5-6 hours. I had a blast hanging out with her, but there was something different about her. I'm not the type of guy who wants to be in a relationship. Heck, i thought it would be nice being single my whole life. I have quite a bit of friends who are girls, but this girl was way more fun to be with than any of them, and I thought to myself I would like a serious relationship with her. To me I think she is the best girl in the world. I have never really felt this way about a girl before. Anyway, now the trouble. I live in a town about an hour south of Bend, Oregon, and she lives in Bend. I didn't except to see her that much over summer cause we both have jobs, and both travel a lot, but we text back and forth, usually with me starting the convos but sometimes she will start them too. I have been up to bend to hang out with her for a day which was really fun and we are planning to go out on my friends boat together along with one of her friends. Ya it sounds good so far, but we leave for college in the middle of August and we are going pretty far away from each other. I'm going to be in LA and she going to Portland. When we finish freshman year of college we are both heading back home for the summer, and I want to hang out with her over summer. When sophmore year starts I'm going back to LA, but she is planning on going to South America for international study in Spanish language. I would like to start a serious relationship with her, but idk if I should wait till after she gets back from South America to ask her which is in like 2 and a half years lol or if I should ask her now. My fear of trying to start a relationship now is that a long distance relationship would not work for four years, but I fear if I don't ask her she might start a relationship with someone else. The only this is I hope the international studies helps her from being in a relationship. If I wait to be involved in a serious relationship with her, than I would definitely stay in contact with her throughout the first two years of college and hang out on breaks when we got back up to bend. I just really want this relationship to work out in the long run and after college and I don't wanna blow it. Advice needed lol. Thanks.
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Post by Ask Anon on Aug 1, 2016 7:18:48 GMT -5
From what you say, you don't really know her very well. So however much you like her, it would not be fair on either you or her to ask for a commitment to a long term relationship - or to make such a commitment yourself. It would be reasonable for you to ask her to keep in touch, and see how it goes - but even then, I'd say "but it's really important if one of us gets into a relationship, to tell the other". I see no point in making commitments that neither of you is likely to keep, then going through the ritualistic denying yourselves a social life for three months, before deceiving each other for another three months, fighting for three months, taking three months to accept it's over, then realising you've each thrown away a year of your lives for nothing. And don't say "But I love her" - because you'll force me to say "If you love her, let her go"*** *** I can match most standard cliches.  |
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brian
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Posts: 4
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Post by brian on Aug 1, 2016 13:35:28 GMT -5
From what you say, you don't really know her very well. So however much you like her, it would not be fair on either you or her to ask for a commitment to a long term relationship - or to make such a commitment yourself. It would be reasonable for you to ask her to keep in touch, and see how it goes - but even then, I'd say "but it's really important if one of us gets into a relationship, to tell the other". I see no point in making commitments that neither of you is likely to keep, then going through the ritualistic denying yourselves a social life for three months, before deceiving each other for another three months, fighting for three months, taking three months to accept it's over, then realising you've each thrown away a year of your lives for nothing. And don't say "But I love her" - because you'll force me to say "If you love her, let her go"*** *** I can match most standard cliches. That's what I was initially thinking was just waiting a couple years and over this time remain friends and keep in contact while we are in college. The only thing I was nervous about was her getting into a realtionship, but if that happens oh well at least she will be happy. If we stayed in contact and good friends would a realtionship be reasonable in a couple years or should I wait till we both done with college? |
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Post by Ask Anon on Aug 1, 2016 16:44:58 GMT -5
If we stayed in contact and good friends would a relationship be reasonable in a couple years or should I wait till we both done with college? No way to know; all depends how things are going. No-one can predict the future. If the friendship does go well, you'll both know if/when the time is right to get more serious. You can't plan to get serious in X-months time. Good Luck! |
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Post by Gina99 on Aug 1, 2016 18:10:05 GMT -5
You are thinking way to much about this. So many things could change including not coming home over the summer. You and she could meet other people also. Enjoy the time before you leave and then reevaluate later.
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Post by controldenied on Aug 2, 2016 9:05:53 GMT -5
Make yourself a man worthy of being remembered. If you really care and have honest desire for the future, lay the foundation for a lasting and worthy relationship. Be honest, respectfull, realistic and purposefull.
- tell her you care for her in ways you never care for anyone before.
- tell her you are going to college to make yourself a man worthy of an awesome woman.
- tell her you want her to make herself an awesome woman and that you want her to follow her dreams.
- tell her that there will be a time in the future for the 2 of you to be toghether, and you want both to be the best for when that moment comes.
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brian
New Member
Posts: 4
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Post by brian on Aug 3, 2016 1:07:10 GMT -5
Make yourself a man worthy of being remembered. If you really care and have honest desire for the future, lay the foundation for a lasting and worthy relationship. Be honest, respectfull, realistic and purposefull. - tell her you care for her in ways you never care for anyone before. - tell her you are going to college to make yourself a man worthy of an awesome woman. - tell her you want her to make herself an awesome woman and that you want her to follow her dreams. - tell her that there will be a time in the future for the 2 of you to be toghether, and you want both to be the best for when that moment comes. I appreciate the advice, but is straight up telling her some of these things the best route? Honestly I would like to tell her that, but would I be better off just to stay friends and see how things work out later? I like her a lot, but I don't want to come off as a creep and rub her the wrong way. You know what I'm saying? |
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brian
New Member
Posts: 4
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Post by brian on Aug 3, 2016 1:09:11 GMT -5
You are thinking way to much about this. So many things could change including not coming home over the summer. You and she could meet other people also. Enjoy the time before you leave and then reevaluate later. I'm overthinking it cause I don't want to blow this opportunity. I would hate the thought of knowing I never tried for her and let her go also. I appreciate the advice though. |
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Post by Ask Anon on Aug 3, 2016 2:41:03 GMT -5
Make yourself a man worthy of being remembered. If you really care and have honest desire for the future, lay the foundation for a lasting and worthy relationship. Be honest, respectfull, realistic and purposefull. - tell her you care for her in ways you never care for anyone before. - tell her you are going to college to make yourself a man worthy of an awesome woman. - tell her you want her to make herself an awesome woman and that you want her to follow her dreams. - tell her that there will be a time in the future for the 2 of you to be toghether, and you want both to be the best for when that moment comes. I appreciate the advice, but is straight up telling her some of these things the best route? Honestly I would like to tell her that, but would I be better off just to stay friends and see how things work out later? I like her a lot, but I don't want to come off as a creep and rub her the wrong way. You know what I'm saying? I agree. If you are normally someone who feeds people BS by the bucket load, then go with it. But don't confuse her (and put her off) by acting. Let alone acting like a marketing rep at a dog food show. |
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Post by controldenied on Aug 3, 2016 22:10:27 GMT -5
I appreciate the advice, but is straight up telling her some of these things the best route? Honestly I would like to tell her that, but would I be better off just to stay friends and see how things work out later? I like her a lot, but I don't want to come off as a creep and rub her the wrong way. You know what I'm saying? I agree. If you are normally someone who feeds people BS by the bucket load, then go with it. But don't confuse her (and put her off) by acting. Let alone acting like a marketing rep at a dog food show. Only you know the relationship you have with her. I'm just telling you to act in ways that a man worthy of respect acts. She will respect you more for being a man that knows what he wants. |
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